The Woods of Solitude

Technology robs us of silence,

of solitude.

Convenience becomes an intrusion.

The noise keeps us shallow and prevents us from being taken to the depths.
And the depths cry louder.
We become uncomfortable.
We hush their cries with the noise of technology –
we numb the longing for deep connection
with the convenience of quick, shallow communication.
We scramble to fill
only to realize we are becoming more empty.
 
Solitude.
We break the vicious cycle and sit in silence.
Silence.
It is uncomfortable.
All the voices of desire,
all the groanings too deep for words
begin to rise.
We are scared.
We want more noise!
to hide the fear,
to distract from the pain of longings unfulfilled.
But we press on in stillness.
As the silence grows and our minds become calm,
our soul emerges from hiding,
like a wild beast emerging from the brush because
we finally stopped traipsing through the forest.
Sitting quietly by a tree
we finally realize how our crashing through the forest of our lives
kept our wild souls in hiding.
But in quiet, in solitude,
We invite our souls to be seen,
to be heard.
Then we begin to hear –
the longings of our soul
the hopes
the dreams.
We are reminded of who we really are
and who we really want to be.
The emotions rise –
            sadness
            fear
            regret
            disgust
who we are is not who we really want to be!
And what we have is not really what we want.
We sit in our sadness from the discrepancies between our heart and lives.
Silence.
 
And then we hear it –
a new voice
a voice not our own,
a voice of promise
a voice of hope.
We can be fulfilled and satisfied!
But this new way,
this life
is so much different than what I look like on the outside…
I become discouraged,
I fear the shame
of so much change.
But then the voice speaks love.
Love,
acceptance,
patience.
My heart floods with sadness and joy as I realize that is what I wanted all along!
My constant searching through technology,
my constant busyness and noise,
and yet here
in the silence
and the uncomfortable solitude
is where I have found the deepest longing of my heart.
 
I am so glad I went here.
I am so glad I stopped here.
I have peace,
and joy.
I smile.

JOLTED by the obnoxious intrusion of my phone’s ‘ding’ and vibration,

I jump from the tree where I found solitude…and love.
My wild soul goes running into hiding as I keep running through the woods.
Remembering what just happened,
almost as if it were a dream,
I pause and look back to that tree.
“I’ll be back soon.” I whisper with a smile.
Then I turn and keep running.

[This poem was inspired by my readings in Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton]

From orphan to princess

I am a princess.

---

The jester of the kingdom used to harass me.   Then, years later, he finally stole me away and took me captive.  He bound me in painful chains in his dark dungeon.

“Why would anyone rescue me?  I was just a lowly servant girl, an orphan sent to the palace to work for the king.”

This was my identity.  This was my reality for many years, so when he came, I was scared.

The son of the king – the prince – came.  He left his luxurious palace to enter the ubiquitous darkness of the jester’s playground!  He fought the jester for me.  And just when I thought all hope was gone, that the prince was defeated, he rose in victory!  And the chains that once held me captive now bound the jester to that darkest of places.

We ride away from that place and he brings me up into the light that brings healing – the light of the kingdom.  He carries me to the king and asks that I would be adopted.  (I can scarcely believe it!)  The king smiles, and welcomes me with a hug.  He calls me “daughter”.  :)

I have a family now, and a home.  I have a new identity.

I once was enslaved to working for the king, but now I have the honor and pleasure of working with the king – my daddy!  Sometimes I get caught up in my old identity and my old way of working – I feel orphaned and that it is my duty to work, especially after everything he has done for me.  I forget that he is my dad and end up trying to pay him back because I just see him as my owner.  But he is patient and faithful to remind me of his love for me, his daughter, and that whether I am working or not he is pleased just to be together.

A story of a girl continued

For the beginning of this story, see Friday, December 4, 2009.

So distracted by her thoughts she has forgotten about the bright figure. Yes, no, yes, no - she is toiling within. And just as she begins to lose hope, giving in to her value for comfort, she is gently startled out of her warring thoughts. A soothing voice breaks the silence, so beautiful, like she's never heard, echoed by a glorious host...

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you [He slowly moves towards her.]
And the waves, will not overcome you
[His eyes filled with great compassion.] Do not fear, for I have redeemed you
I have called you by name, [He gently cups her face...] you are Mine

For I am the Lord your God (I am the Lord your God)
I am the Lord your God
(I am) the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
For I am the Lord your God (I am the Lord your God)
I am the Lord your God
(I am) the Holy One of Israel, your Savior

I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)

When you pass through the fire, you'll not be burned
And the flames will not consume you
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you
I have called you by name, you are Mine

For I am the Lord your God (I am the Lord your God)
I am the Lord your God
(I am) the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
For I am the Lord your God (I am the Lord your God)
I am the Lord your God
(I am) the Holy One of Israel, your Savior

I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)
I am the Lord (do not fear)

...

" But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life." (Isaiah 43:1-4, ESV)

A story of a girl

The disfigured, disgusting fingers wrap tightly around her arm. She's pulled along unwillingly and alone, then thrown into a cave! It's dark and she can hear the sound of water dripping slowly from the roof of the cave, splattering on the cave floor. The hands have let go only to grasp shackles bound by chains. They're thrown and come flying in the air, whirring as they move. ::Clink, clink:: They find their way to the little girl's wrists, fitting snug, first the right, then the left. Yanking her down, the chains fasten themselves to the cave floor, one is called Guilt, the other, Obligation. Bondage begins. A sinister laugh comes from the dark figure with the gangly hands, covered with filth and grime. A smile of pleasure is highlighted by the last light of day as the creature moves away...

The days creep by like years, and a year seems like a day. Time has been lost in the monotonous driving by the chains. She grows and grows, taking the form of a young woman, but the shackles still bind her wrists. They that once fit snugly have become small, cutting into the skin growing up around them. Many times she struggled against them, trying to wriggle loose. But all that came was pain and blood as the cold, hard metal dug into her writhing wrists. She learned to stop fighting the chains that bound her. Giving in to the driving force, she worked. Hope was lost, conformity set in. Her work has become so streamlined and almost effortless, but still, driven by her chains. Yet, it has become comfortable to her, after years of this kind of life. She has forgotten what it was like to work because she loved. Love.....maybe is was a faint memory of some reality gone forever. She lets the thought slip away as not to disturb her "peace".

A lighted figure appears, almost blinding her. So glorious and radiant, her heart leaps at the sight of him. Somehow she knows he is good and that he can remove her shackles and free her from bondage.

But she's afraid. Having grown up with these shackles, she feels they are a part of her. Her skin so accustomed to having them, it would tear and rip and bleed at their removal. She doesn't want to feel that pain; she doesn't want to face that reality.

But freedom awaits her soon after the pain of removal, why would she say no?
She knows that healing would come and her wrists would be restored...

...but it will hurt too much, she doesn't think she can bear it.

Love.....she could work because of love again! Her heart leaps at the thought. She'll do it, she'll say yes.

But oh, it will hurt, and she hasn't been out of the cave since she was a girl. What if...? What if...? What if...? She struggles within herself, wanting to be free, but scared of the unknown that would come. She feels so alone...

He awaits her decision...

"Perfect Worship"

Here is a poem I wrote for English class in 12th grade. It's called "Perfect Worship."

Rain or shine you reach for the sky,
growing closer every day.
Your branches spread wide
touching every life with hospitality.

Deep are your roots
in the soil of truth,
drawing nourishment
from the Bread of Life.

Pruned with love,
watered with care,
even more faithful
each passing year.

Oh, how I wish
I could be like thee!