I was recently inspired to do a video update, and thought it a wonderful idea since it would likely be much quicker than me writing a whole bunch and you reading a whole bunch. So I hope you enjoy the quick video to catch you up on where I am at now.
I know I said I'd put up some pictures of the beach, but I ended up not taking any pictures of the beach that day, sorry. Anyway, I look forward to doing more video updates in the future, as they are kind of exhilarating and fun.
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Miscellaneous and application update
Well, that is my first flat tire. It took a flat tire for God to get me to stop and rest a little. Usually it's not that bad, but sometimes he does need to do something drastic like that.
Previously I mentioned that I have a summer job. Well, what I think I have failed to make clear to most people is that I will be moving for the summer in order to work at that job. So tomorrow I pack, move an hour and a half away, and unpack. I hope I can get it all done in one day; and that I don't forget anything too important and have to make another trip.
I went to Islands of Adventure today with the students from my internship. It was lots of fun!
Ok, so now for the more lengthy and more important stuff - the application update. Yesterday I met with a woman on staff to discuss further some things I had written in my application. When I was filling out my application I was very honest (as I thought I should be even though it was unnerving). Some of the things that I mentioned came as red flags to the staff that was processing my application; which I completely understand. So this woman heard of this and wanted to talk face-to-face and get a better feeling of how I am doing with this stuff. It was a good conversation. But I am left more unsure than I was before. I am less confident that this is God's plan, but I don't have any other desires that come close to this one, and I don't know what else I would do if I don't get this job, so.....I still think I'll get it, I'm just not so sure. I completely understand their concerns, and identify/agree with one in particular - one very important one that I had not thought of before. I left with the feeling that I have a 50-50 chance of acceptance. (One thing I really appreciated was the woman's honesty with me, and thus, the reasons I know these things and more.) I don't know what is best and I'm not going to make that decision; I'm going to let someone else make that decision and pray that if this is not God's best for me that he would close the door on this opportunity. Sorry so vague, I just don't have much time to explain more, plus I don't know how much I would want to share, so yeah.... I hope to hear back from them by the end of this week or the middle of next week at the latest. Please pray that God would give these people his supernatural wisdom to know what decision to make. Thanks.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Endings and beginnings
Last Friday marked the last day of my internship and May 9th will mark the end of my college career (at least for now). During my internship I actually ended up with the same teacher with whom I was during my first internship. As any internship is, it was a challenging and growing experience. But my favorite part was getting to know the students better. One thing I realized recently is that I would not make a good public school teacher, at least not now. I am too inclined to be a friend and spiritual mentor. Though I never discussed this with my supervising teacher, her final evaluation reflected this conclusion. Along with that realization comes the one that I may never teach. One of my dreams is to return to school and earn a masters degree and a certificate, which would probably lead to a different career. So the fact that I broke all the rules with this internship and that I might never use the professional experience can only lead to one conclusion - God did it. I don't doubt that he wanted me there for a reason. But what is that reason? My guess is what I liked the most - getting to know the students - and what I now hope to do. The end of my internship brought some sadness, but mostly excitement that I can begin a different kind of relationship with the youth that I met and befriended. I can finally be a friend and mentor, crossing boundaries a public school teacher cannot or should not cross. So though my internship is over, a new beginning is taking place - new relations.
Along with the end of my college career comes the dawn of a new career. I have applied to go on staff with Student Venture - the high school and middle school ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. It seems to match my current desires perfectly and I am really excited that I can actually get paid to do what I love. I will keep you posted as to how the application process is going. As of right now, I am waiting for a "We are processing your application" phone call. Even though this is something about which I am really excited, those thoughts of doubt have been creeping in. I cannot really say that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, because God has scared me with other dreams (the big ones, I have previously mentioned). Realizing that I will probably leave this career makes me doubt whether I should be in it at all, but at the present moment I cannot imagine myself doing anything else. I imagine myself in this career for a number of years, even to the point of, with it, fulfilling a dream God inspired. So there is much work to be done in Student Venture, but I foresee an end to that work and thus a beginning to something else. But that is many years down the road.
So for the time in between, there are mundane and exciting things. These few weeks until I begin my summer job I am just bummin' around trying to get my room and life back to organized before the time goes away again. I will also be attending many exciting events to include my own graduation! as well as a field trip, last day of school, wedding shower, bachlorette party, and two weddings - in the same day. So exciting stuff for the weeks to come. Along with that, hopefully I can casually hang out with friends, Jesus, and get some rest. Then starts my summer job. : ) I have the privilege of being part of a full-time youth ministry team for my home church - we call it Summer Staff. I am so excited for this endeavor and the possibilities of what God can do. He has already been giving me vision and ideas for the summer, which just excites me to the upmost.
*sigh* Much behind me, much ahead. Enjoy the pictures!
It's funny and scary how much I really look like a PE teacher in these photos.
Not the best picture, but one of my best classes. : )
Probably my smallest class, but some of my favorite people.
Bigger class = more challenging. But so rewarding when you actually make a difference.
Eating lunch with the students on my last day. It is definitely an experience.
It was so precious - one of my students as she was leaving the locker room that day asked me if I would eat lunch with them...how could I resist!
I volunteered as the assistant coach for the girls' basketball team. This is our cake for our banquet.
The team manager and me. We spent many practices talking and goofing off - it was a lot of fun! She is such a cutie and is just an amazing person.
All my lady huskies!
Along with the end of my college career comes the dawn of a new career. I have applied to go on staff with Student Venture - the high school and middle school ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. It seems to match my current desires perfectly and I am really excited that I can actually get paid to do what I love. I will keep you posted as to how the application process is going. As of right now, I am waiting for a "We are processing your application" phone call. Even though this is something about which I am really excited, those thoughts of doubt have been creeping in. I cannot really say that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, because God has scared me with other dreams (the big ones, I have previously mentioned). Realizing that I will probably leave this career makes me doubt whether I should be in it at all, but at the present moment I cannot imagine myself doing anything else. I imagine myself in this career for a number of years, even to the point of, with it, fulfilling a dream God inspired. So there is much work to be done in Student Venture, but I foresee an end to that work and thus a beginning to something else. But that is many years down the road.
So for the time in between, there are mundane and exciting things. These few weeks until I begin my summer job I am just bummin' around trying to get my room and life back to organized before the time goes away again. I will also be attending many exciting events to include my own graduation! as well as a field trip, last day of school, wedding shower, bachlorette party, and two weddings - in the same day. So exciting stuff for the weeks to come. Along with that, hopefully I can casually hang out with friends, Jesus, and get some rest. Then starts my summer job. : ) I have the privilege of being part of a full-time youth ministry team for my home church - we call it Summer Staff. I am so excited for this endeavor and the possibilities of what God can do. He has already been giving me vision and ideas for the summer, which just excites me to the upmost.
*sigh* Much behind me, much ahead. Enjoy the pictures!
It's funny and scary how much I really look like a PE teacher in these photos.
Not the best picture, but one of my best classes. : )
Probably my smallest class, but some of my favorite people.
Bigger class = more challenging. But so rewarding when you actually make a difference.
Eating lunch with the students on my last day. It is definitely an experience.
It was so precious - one of my students as she was leaving the locker room that day asked me if I would eat lunch with them...how could I resist!
I volunteered as the assistant coach for the girls' basketball team. This is our cake for our banquet.
The team manager and me. We spent many practices talking and goofing off - it was a lot of fun! She is such a cutie and is just an amazing person.
All my lady huskies!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
From then until now
The past five months I have been in a valley, moving in and out of the shadows. The brief moments of sunshine have been providing the joy for me to continue in perseverance. I hope that this semester I will finally walk out of this valley of struggling with my past.
Christmas Conference with Crusade was a sweet time of vacation, fellowship, and renewal. I had my interview for joining staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and today submitted the first part of the application. I now have 22 pages of forms to fill out about myself, so I shall soon be writing a book. I cringe at some parts of it because I must bring up the struggles that I have with certain sins. I know I'm not perfect, but I hate admitting it. I know they are not expecting me to be perfect, but I guess I expect better of me than what I am, and so I am slightly ashamed. Oh, if only I saw myself the way Jesus does.
School starts Thursday and my internship starts Monday. I'm ready for my days to get back to some regularity, though I hope that I do not fall prey to habit and compliance in my relationship with Jesus. I am still being prayerful about my money situation. Giving control to Jesus is so difficult, as I want to secure my own financial stability instead of relying on him. I have resolved to putting in some applications and leaving the rest up to him, and if necessary use money that I have saved to make it through until more money comes.
My group for the day of outreach during Christmas Conference. It was one of the best days of the conference, so influential. It was also a lot of fun getting to play with a few boys in the neighborhood; we really didn't want to leave.
A fun day of riding bikes with friends. This is when we stopped at a playground to rest and have our picnic lunches. Below are a couple of pictures of me showing off...they were so amazed, I found it amusing.
Bunny hop, yeah!
Christmas Conference with Crusade was a sweet time of vacation, fellowship, and renewal. I had my interview for joining staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and today submitted the first part of the application. I now have 22 pages of forms to fill out about myself, so I shall soon be writing a book. I cringe at some parts of it because I must bring up the struggles that I have with certain sins. I know I'm not perfect, but I hate admitting it. I know they are not expecting me to be perfect, but I guess I expect better of me than what I am, and so I am slightly ashamed. Oh, if only I saw myself the way Jesus does.
School starts Thursday and my internship starts Monday. I'm ready for my days to get back to some regularity, though I hope that I do not fall prey to habit and compliance in my relationship with Jesus. I am still being prayerful about my money situation. Giving control to Jesus is so difficult, as I want to secure my own financial stability instead of relying on him. I have resolved to putting in some applications and leaving the rest up to him, and if necessary use money that I have saved to make it through until more money comes.
My group for the day of outreach during Christmas Conference. It was one of the best days of the conference, so influential. It was also a lot of fun getting to play with a few boys in the neighborhood; we really didn't want to leave.
A fun day of riding bikes with friends. This is when we stopped at a playground to rest and have our picnic lunches. Below are a couple of pictures of me showing off...they were so amazed, I found it amusing.
Bunny hop, yeah!
Friday, April 4, 2008
God's calling is getting louder
So I'm a junior at UCF and I will be graduating next spring. As this realization has made it's way to the surface of my thoughts I have begun to think about what's next. I can't stay with my uncle forever and I would like to move out into a place of my own, and preferably live with some friends, but who knows. But more so than that, what's after graduation? God had revealed some options last semester and they have become more clear over the course of this semester. Some have already started to fade in light of God's plan being revealed. I have been really praying and asking God "What's next?" for about, a week I guess. Tonight, I think I got my answer, or at least the beginnings of one. I was driving home from Crave tonight and the song that just 'happened' to be playing (God does this a lot - uses music to speak to me while I'm driving) was "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (AmAzInG band!). Here are the lyrics, the bold, italicized ones are the words that really reached my heart tonight.
Rewind a second. Last summer I went on summer project with Crusade to Newcastle, Australia (and I'm going again this summer!). God did a major work in my heart and when I came back I had a fire burning within me. I had a passion for prayer and evangelism. So I started some prayer meetings, that eventually fizzled out (because they were at 7:30 in the morning) but the times we met were amazing and I really miss it. Somewhere toward the end of the semester I met up with a friend and we started to do spiritual surveys once a week. This semester we continued with the weekly evangelism. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I meet so many people and although I haven't seen much fruit from it, I see God working in students' hearts and I see fruit in my life, as well as others who join me. God has continued to increase my passion for His people and expanding His Kingdom.
So to finally tie all these loose ends together...I feel like God is calling me into full-time ministry (wow, that's a scary thing to say, admit, realize, and accept). Probably not my whole life, but at least for a period. Each week I am so encapsulated by doing His work that homework doesn't even matter anymore. It sounds terrible, I know, and I feel bad sometimes that I'm not giving more attention to school, but this is where God has taken my heart. I am currently discipling a fellow college student. I can't explain how much of a joy it is to spend time with this girl and tell her about Jesus and the wonderful things He has for her. I can't even describe with words how it makes my heart soar, to be used by God in such a life-changing way, and make that kind of an impact in somebody's life! You can't get any better than that! I also am a part of giving free hugs on Wednesdays, which is way cool. I mention these things not to try to make myself look good or righteous but to give you an idea of the passions God has put on my heart. When I think about all that I have to do right now, I would much rather be producing eternal fruit rather than just finite knowledge. All this to say that I have a passion for high school and middle school students, but I also have a passion for college students and maybe God is calling me to intern with Crusade at UCF and then Student Venture a little later. I can't think of anything better than sharing God with students all day.
This is big, scary, and I know it. I feel it and it's slightly terrifying. What will my family say? Will they understand? But as terrifying as it is, it's so wonderful and good, because God is calling me to such a larger adventure than I would have taken, and it's exciting! I know He will take care of me, I just have to find rest in that peaceful truth. So please be praying for me as God continues to reveal His will and continues to show me where He is taking me the next few years. Pray for confirmation and peace to come to my soul. Thanks.
Savior I comeSo like I said I've been praying a lot about what God has next for me. Basically the options that I see are get a teaching job and/or continue school, or intern with Crusade (Campus Crusade for Christ). Originally I thought I would be interning with Student Venture the high school ministry of Cru, but tonight I had a new thought. I thought about this semester. I have been so overwhelmed lately with school and homework that has been put on the back burner, mainly just one class, but nonetheless the back burner. I love school and especially the curriculum that I'm learning. I love going to class and learning this stuff and when I leave I can't wait to go study it...but it doesn't happen like that. (Everything I once held dear I count it all as lost.)
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
Rewind a second. Last summer I went on summer project with Crusade to Newcastle, Australia (and I'm going again this summer!). God did a major work in my heart and when I came back I had a fire burning within me. I had a passion for prayer and evangelism. So I started some prayer meetings, that eventually fizzled out (because they were at 7:30 in the morning) but the times we met were amazing and I really miss it. Somewhere toward the end of the semester I met up with a friend and we started to do spiritual surveys once a week. This semester we continued with the weekly evangelism. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I meet so many people and although I haven't seen much fruit from it, I see God working in students' hearts and I see fruit in my life, as well as others who join me. God has continued to increase my passion for His people and expanding His Kingdom.
So to finally tie all these loose ends together...I feel like God is calling me into full-time ministry (wow, that's a scary thing to say, admit, realize, and accept). Probably not my whole life, but at least for a period. Each week I am so encapsulated by doing His work that homework doesn't even matter anymore. It sounds terrible, I know, and I feel bad sometimes that I'm not giving more attention to school, but this is where God has taken my heart. I am currently discipling a fellow college student. I can't explain how much of a joy it is to spend time with this girl and tell her about Jesus and the wonderful things He has for her. I can't even describe with words how it makes my heart soar, to be used by God in such a life-changing way, and make that kind of an impact in somebody's life! You can't get any better than that! I also am a part of giving free hugs on Wednesdays, which is way cool. I mention these things not to try to make myself look good or righteous but to give you an idea of the passions God has put on my heart. When I think about all that I have to do right now, I would much rather be producing eternal fruit rather than just finite knowledge. All this to say that I have a passion for high school and middle school students, but I also have a passion for college students and maybe God is calling me to intern with Crusade at UCF and then Student Venture a little later. I can't think of anything better than sharing God with students all day.
This is big, scary, and I know it. I feel it and it's slightly terrifying. What will my family say? Will they understand? But as terrifying as it is, it's so wonderful and good, because God is calling me to such a larger adventure than I would have taken, and it's exciting! I know He will take care of me, I just have to find rest in that peaceful truth. So please be praying for me as God continues to reveal His will and continues to show me where He is taking me the next few years. Pray for confirmation and peace to come to my soul. Thanks.
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