"Perfect Worship"

Here is a poem I wrote for English class in 12th grade. It's called "Perfect Worship."

Rain or shine you reach for the sky,
growing closer every day.
Your branches spread wide
touching every life with hospitality.

Deep are your roots
in the soil of truth,
drawing nourishment
from the Bread of Life.

Pruned with love,
watered with care,
even more faithful
each passing year.

Oh, how I wish
I could be like thee!

Some of my favorite things about summer

Shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops
Night walks on the beach
Sea turtle nesting and hatching
Walking out of a freezing classroom and instantly thawing
Evening thunderstorms
The strong winds that precede them
The big dark clouds as they roll overhead
The patter of the large drops as they start to fall
The lighting and thunder that displays God's awesome power (and still makes me jump from time to time)
The refreshment once they're gone
Sitting on the back porch with my dog, enjoying a book
The more relaxed state of things

Rainbow blessings

I took a bike ride out to a favorite spot of mine, where I like to go to be alone with God. It was beautiful outside. The temperature was comfortable, the sun was bright, but setting, so it was a soft light, and the sky was blue with white clouds. The pond that I overlooked was still, looking like glass, perfectly reflecting the trees on the other side. I wrote in my journal, then sat there singing love songs to Him. I began to see little circles of ripples all over the pond, like when it rains. I didn't feel any drops hitting me, but I saw a little rain cloud coming. I wasn't concerned. I just continued to sit and enjoy God's show. After a while I began to feel the drops, but they weren't much. They were cool and fresh upon my skin. It reminded me of how God uses the rain to wash the earth and make it clean. I felt like he was washing me too, hehe. : P Then it began to rain harder and I stood up to ride away so I wouldn't get soaked. In a moment, I thought, "Why should I leave? I won't make it to shelter in time, so what's the difference. Why rush away from God's blessing?" I sat back down and got comfortable, enjoying the sound of the rain drops popping on the surface of the pond. I could feel the different sizes of the raindrops as they fell, dropping bigger and harder. Then, they lightened up again. Another small cloud passed and I thanked God for the cool, refreshing wash. As it began to lighten up and pass ahead of me, I thought, "Maybe I'll see a rainbow - I've got the right angle and the sun is shining." A few minutes later the colors began to show up. It started at the right side and after a while, it was a full rainbow stretching across the sky. Such a beautiful sight! I continued to notice something peculiar about the rainbow, however, that I never noticed about rainbows before. The rainbow seemed to form a dome of sorts, inside of which the rain fell. Outside of the rainbow you could see the blue sky and white clouds, but as your eyes passed over the colors, to the interior, the sky became blocked by the wall of rain, giving it a gray look. "How peculiar," I thought.

I thought about the beauty of rainbows and how people get so excited when they see one. Then I thought about life and how rainbows can signify something good and pleasant - a good day or season of life, blessings, healing. But it takes rain to make rainbows, which in life is never fun. Rain often makes me think of hard times, with tears and pain, and unpleasant things. When you are in the rainstorm all you see is the gray sky and all you feel is the rain beating on your skin, often getting cold and unhappy. We often times can't see the blue sky beyond the clouds or the rainbow that could be hovering above our shower. But as time passes, and the storm moves on, we begin to see the beauty that results from the storm, the good, the blessings, the healing. Only after the rain cloud travels a distance can you see the rainbow.

So if you feel like you're in a storm right now, hold on tight. With the Son shining there is a rainbow of promise hovering above you, you just can't see it right now. Keep holding on, enjoy the cool cleansing flow, bask in His downpour of care. He doesn't want you to stay dirty forever, he wants to clean up His child. Sit tight knowing that your good Father is lovingly and tenderly washing your dirt away, just like your mother once did when you were young. Once the storm passes, then you'll see God's great blessing to you.

The rainbow is sure worth the rain.

God's calling is getting louder

So I'm a junior at UCF and I will be graduating next spring. As this realization has made it's way to the surface of my thoughts I have begun to think about what's next. I can't stay with my uncle forever and I would like to move out into a place of my own, and preferably live with some friends, but who knows. But more so than that, what's after graduation? God had revealed some options last semester and they have become more clear over the course of this semester. Some have already started to fade in light of God's plan being revealed. I have been really praying and asking God "What's next?" for about, a week I guess. Tonight, I think I got my answer, or at least the beginnings of one. I was driving home from Crave tonight and the song that just 'happened' to be playing (God does this a lot - uses music to speak to me while I'm driving) was "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (AmAzInG band!). Here are the lyrics, the bold, italicized ones are the words that really reached my heart tonight.

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

So like I said I've been praying a lot about what God has next for me. Basically the options that I see are get a teaching job and/or continue school, or intern with Crusade (Campus Crusade for Christ). Originally I thought I would be interning with Student Venture the high school ministry of Cru, but tonight I had a new thought. I thought about this semester. I have been so overwhelmed lately with school and homework that has been put on the back burner, mainly just one class, but nonetheless the back burner. I love school and especially the curriculum that I'm learning. I love going to class and learning this stuff and when I leave I can't wait to go study it...but it doesn't happen like that. (Everything I once held dear I count it all as lost.)

Rewind a second. Last summer I went on summer project with Crusade to Newcastle, Australia (and I'm going again this summer!). God did a major work in my heart and when I came back I had a fire burning within me. I had a passion for prayer and evangelism. So I started some prayer meetings, that eventually fizzled out (because they were at 7:30 in the morning) but the times we met were amazing and I really miss it. Somewhere toward the end of the semester I met up with a friend and we started to do spiritual surveys once a week. This semester we continued with the weekly evangelism. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I meet so many people and although I haven't seen much fruit from it, I see God working in students' hearts and I see fruit in my life, as well as others who join me. God has continued to increase my passion for His people and expanding His Kingdom.

So to finally tie all these loose ends together...I feel like God is calling me into full-time ministry (wow, that's a scary thing to say, admit, realize, and accept). Probably not my whole life, but at least for a period. Each week I am so encapsulated by doing His work that homework doesn't even matter anymore. It sounds terrible, I know, and I feel bad sometimes that I'm not giving more attention to school, but this is where God has taken my heart. I am currently discipling a fellow college student. I can't explain how much of a joy it is to spend time with this girl and tell her about Jesus and the wonderful things He has for her. I can't even describe with words how it makes my heart soar, to be used by God in such a life-changing way, and make that kind of an impact in somebody's life! You can't get any better than that! I also am a part of giving free hugs on Wednesdays, which is way cool. I mention these things not to try to make myself look good or righteous but to give you an idea of the passions God has put on my heart. When I think about all that I have to do right now, I would much rather be producing eternal fruit rather than just finite knowledge. All this to say that I have a passion for high school and middle school students, but I also have a passion for college students and maybe God is calling me to intern with Crusade at UCF and then Student Venture a little later. I can't think of anything better than sharing God with students all day.

This is big, scary, and I know it. I feel it and it's slightly terrifying. What will my family say? Will they understand? But as terrifying as it is, it's so wonderful and good, because God is calling me to such a larger adventure than I would have taken, and it's exciting! I know He will take care of me, I just have to find rest in that peaceful truth. So please be praying for me as God continues to reveal His will and continues to show me where He is taking me the next few years. Pray for confirmation and peace to come to my soul. Thanks.