I suppose I must begin this post
by acknowledging that I am a white female, and I recognize that there are
things about racism I had not recognized, but I am now learning. I want to first recognize my influences, so you know from
whom I have learned (and I'll post links at the bottom if you want to hear them
for yourself). For many years I've listened to Brené Brown, a shame researcher
who has much to say about empathy and compassion. Dr. Becky Bailey has been my
main teacher more recently, through her books. I began reading in October of
2019 and am being transformed by her Conscious Discipline program (a trauma informed,
evidence-based and research-backed social-emotional learning program). Though I
have prayed this before, around March of 2020 I began praying regularly and
fervently that God would open my eyes to White Privilege and racism, as well as
to show me what will heal racism and move us forward as a society; and I
believe he is answering me. Resmaa Menakem has been a more recent influence,
having sought him out a couple weeks before the events and outcries surrounding
race and law enforcement spurred on by George Floyd's death and the officers
involved. My husband and I have taken his free online course on racialized
trauma, which has given us much to process, personally and as a couple growing
together. Most recently we watched a conversation between Dr. Anita Phillips
and Christine Caine - a conversation on race and restoration in the Body of
Believers, and whatever your religious or spiritual practice this conversation
is helpful because she addresses how we Americans got to where we are today.
Oh where to begin? I want to be
real, and vulnerable, and honest. The past few weeks have been heavy, as I have
been awakening more to the pain and trauma experienced by my black friends and
all black Americans. My heart is so broken and most days I feel overwhelmed by
grief. From Dr. Anita Phillips I heard the history
that led black people to be dehumanized here in America. Essentially,
black people brought to America and then subsequently born here were made out
to be animals. She explained how this dehumanization was a necessary means to
enable slavery. The effects for white people was a view of black people as dangerous,
like wild animals…but what I also learned is that dehumanization includes a
patronizing view of black people, like a cute pet. Resmaa explained how that kind of
trauma makes an imprint that continues through generations. I see now how those
perspectives persist today, in our unconscious minds. I never considered myself
to be a racist person, but as I listened to Dr. Anita’s explanations, I could
not help but feel a pang of pain inside, wondering how I probably have acted
out of those dehumanized perspectives in the past…and I feel such grief for how
I have perpetuated this atrocity to my black brothers and sisters.
As heavy and as painful
as it is to wake up to dehumanization, and especially to my probable
perpetuation of it, I needed to hear it…I want to hear it, because if what is
unconscious within me is causing harm to myself, to others, and to
relationships, then I want to become conscious of it because that is the only
way I can change it…and I desperately want
to change it. So thus ensues the productive pain of personal growth. I am
willing. I want to hear the hearts
and stories of my black friends so that I can no longer be disillusioned or
ignorant. I want to learn, and know how to be an ally and bring restoration.
Now that you have heard my heart, I would like to share my thoughts. I seek to make the world a better place. I feel
so passionately that what I have been learning (from Dr. Becky Bailey) that is making my
life a better place can help on this larger scale. I am
connecting the dots between what I am learning from my personal growth with what
I am hearing from some of the black community and want to synthesize the two.
I have heard multiple
professionals' opinions of how dehumanization and its effects impressed
upon all of our psyches, black and white alike. Yes, the
impression was in different ways to each people group, but it has
nonetheless been "passed down", even if unintentionally. The legal
and political system used its power to bring some freedom and equality, but the
law can do nothing to change people's hearts.
So yes, there has been change in the past, which was good and necessary, but it
never reached deeply enough, to the heart. It is time to go deeper - as peoples
and a society we need to reach deep to acknowledge the
Historical trauma, Intergenerational trauma, Persistent institutional trauma,
and Personal trauma (HIPP) experienced by black Americans, and take
a trauma-informed approach. This includes perspective-taking,
attributing positive intent, and offering empathy and compassion (three
key skills I got from Becky Bailey and Brené Brown). This also includes bravely pursuing
healing from traumas and seeking to no longer let it control thoughts
and reactions to the present - composure. (I know from personal experience it is a hard journey
and understand why so many people shy away from it; I also have felt the
life and joy that comes from healing and believe it is worth the painful
journey.) Really it is about restoring the humanity of black people (in
our psyches), more than it is about reconciling. People who help
survivors seeking healing and recovery from abuse know that the first thing is not
to pursue reconciliation with the perpetrator, but restoration of
the identity that was traumatically taken from them. Dr. Anita Phillips really
does a helpful explanation of this in her "Body Language"
conversation with Christine Caine. There's so much there and I encourage
everyone to listen to it.
All of us have programs in our brains we need to rewrite if we are ever going to
eradicate racism and the effects of
our American history of slavery. One thing I have learned from Dr. Becky Bailey
is the Power of Attention – what you focus on you get more of. We continue to
focus on racism, so it is no wonder that it continues. Becky would ask what do we want, and tell us to focus on that. I think what we want is safety, humanity
and belonging, and peace. I also have learned that fear looks for blame, love
seeks solutions. What I often hear from the media is blame – we need to stop
blaming and shift our time and energy to seeking solutions. What is the solution? I propose it is
not as complicated as our American society would like to make it seem. I think
part of the solution is for us as individuals, communities and a society as a
whole to build new relational skills - perspective-taking, attributing positive
intent, and offering empathy and compassion. This will help to change our culture from fear-based to
love-based. Another part of the solution is to heal from trauma. Essentially,
healing from trauma will keep us moving forward, rather than keeping us stuck
reenacting the past – perpetuating racism and dehumanization – these are the
mental programs we need to rewrite. Just because it is simple does not mean it
is easy. Growth is painful, but that is a pain I willingly choose because it
brings about life, joy and love.
I offer you the
resources that have been helping me grow, and my encouragement is that whether
these or other resources, you step into that productive pain that will bring
healing, change, and build new skills to move our society forward. There are
various formats and lengths so hopefully you find one that fits your learning
preference and lifestyle:
