Those words came out of my mouth while talking with a friend. I was confessing to her that I felt lazy in my relationship with God (amidst other things). I was confessing that I am not taking much initiative in setting aside time to spend alone with God and his Word. My hunger I guess is not there and I feel stuck.
I was also sharing with her some other thoughts that had been going through my mind. A friend recently was talking about changes in their ministry and their life. The ministry has changed from a "holy huddle" to an actual outreach to people who do not believe in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. In their lives, they are seeking to do life with and be friends with people that are not Christians. As full time ministers they are going against the grain, seeking to do ministry rather than just help others do ministry.
Hearing what he had to say really challenged me and I have been thinking about my life. Part of a book I read recently was pointing out that it is a stumbling block for listeners if the message they hear preached does not match the preacher's actions. It made me think about when I will report to the field for ministry and when I am talking with teenagers, challenging them to reach out to their peers or family. Would my life be a stumbling block for my preaching to them? I am sad to say that right now it would be.
She identified with what I was saying and we both tried to figure out what was different a few years ago when we did not feel so stuck. We thought back to being college students regularly having spiritual conversations with students on campus. We were regularly *exercising* our faith and not just consuming. We were pouring out ourselves. As it is now, I feel spiritually obese - consuming and consuming and not using what I am consuming. I feel stuffed, like after Thanksgiving dinner, when you just cannot take one more bite. So maybe that is why I feel stuck and am not taking much initiative. I am lazy in my fatness.
But we have resolved to start exercising regularly - spiritually that is. We are going to keep each other accountable to serve weekly and have spiritual conversations weekly. Personally, I "got off the couch" this morning and am fighting the laziness, seeking God in his wonderful Word and in honest prayer. Boy it is hard work, but like I learned a couple weeks ago, it takes hard work to get to the top of the bridge. :)