Friday, April 4, 2008

God's calling is getting louder

So I'm a junior at UCF and I will be graduating next spring. As this realization has made it's way to the surface of my thoughts I have begun to think about what's next. I can't stay with my uncle forever and I would like to move out into a place of my own, and preferably live with some friends, but who knows. But more so than that, what's after graduation? God had revealed some options last semester and they have become more clear over the course of this semester. Some have already started to fade in light of God's plan being revealed. I have been really praying and asking God "What's next?" for about, a week I guess. Tonight, I think I got my answer, or at least the beginnings of one. I was driving home from Crave tonight and the song that just 'happened' to be playing (God does this a lot - uses music to speak to me while I'm driving) was "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (AmAzInG band!). Here are the lyrics, the bold, italicized ones are the words that really reached my heart tonight.
Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You

Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

To your heart
To your heart
d me to your hear
Lead me to your heart
So like I said I've been praying a lot about what God has next for me. Basically the options that I see are get a teaching job and/or continue school, or intern with Crusade (Campus Crusade for Christ). Originally I thought I would be interning with Student Venture the high school ministry of Cru, but tonight I had a new thought. I thought about this semester. I have been so overwhelmed lately with school and homework that has been put on the back burner, mainly just one class, but nonetheless the back burner. I love school and especially the curriculum that I'm learning. I love going to class and learning this stuff and when I leave I can't wait to go study it...but it doesn't happen like that. (Everything I once held dear I count it all as lost.)

Rewind a second. Last summer I went on summer project with Crusade to Newcastle, Australia (and I'm going again this summer!). God did a major work in my heart and when I came back I had a fire burning within me. I had a passion for prayer and evangelism. So I started some prayer meetings, that eventually fizzled out (because they were at 7:30 in the morning) but the times we met were amazing and I really miss it. Somewhere toward the end of the semester I met up with a friend and we started to do spiritual surveys once a week. This semester we continued with the weekly evangelism. It is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I meet so many people and although I haven't seen much fruit from it, I see God working in students' hearts and I see fruit in my life, as well as others who join me. God has continued to increase my passion for His people and expanding His Kingdom.

So to finally tie all these loose ends together...I feel like God is calling me into full-time ministry (wow, that's a scary thing to say, admit, realize, and accept). Probably not my whole life, but at least for a period. Each week I am so encapsulated by doing His work that homework doesn't even matter anymore. It sounds terrible, I know, and I feel bad sometimes that I'm not giving more attention to school, but this is where God has taken my heart. I am currently discipling a fellow college student. I can't explain how much of a joy it is to spend time with this girl and tell her about Jesus and the wonderful things He has for her. I can't even describe with words how it makes my heart soar, to be used by God in such a life-changing way, and make that kind of an impact in somebody's life! You can't get any better than that! I also am a part of giving free hugs on Wednesdays, which is way cool. I mention these things not to try to make myself look good or righteous but to give you an idea of the passions God has put on my heart. When I think about all that I have to do right now, I would much rather be producing eternal fruit rather than just finite knowledge. All this to say that I have a passion for high school and middle school students, but I also have a passion for college students and maybe God is calling me to intern with Crusade at UCF and then Student Venture a little later. I can't think of anything better than sharing God with students all day.

This is big, scary, and I know it. I feel it and it's slightly terrifying. What will my family say? Will they understand? But as terrifying as it is, it's so wonderful and good, because God is calling me to such a larger adventure than I would have taken, and it's exciting! I know He will take care of me, I just have to find rest in that peaceful truth. So please be praying for me as God continues to reveal His will and continues to show me where He is taking me the next few years. Pray for confirmation and peace to come to my soul. Thanks.

1 comment:

CVD said...

Kalo - it's beautiful! I'm so excited, and for a while I have been hoping that I could get to know you better. I strongly suggest taking a bigger role in leadership next year - we can definitely use you MORE at Crusade, and it will give you a good sense of staff life. I know you would be great for it! I'm downloading that song right now, cause I also LOVE it!! :) Thanks for sharing. We should definitely hang out soon!